Monday, July 27, 2009

I've been SPARKLESS ! !

It's been 2 weeks, 5 days, 0 hours, and 57 minutes since my last blog post (what can I say?? I'm a morning poster almost always!) . . . wow, I feel sucky.

I've been busy, been emotional, been erratic. . . not a good combination for posting on blogger. Or Facebook, but I've definitely continued that.

I use my FB status updates as ways to communicate with certain people (my boyfriend, for instance. . . since I'm still LEGALLY married and not even allowed --by the court-- to have pictures of him interacting with Carrot up on FB) in code. . . I use song lyrics (that's my favorite way. . . b/c then if someone gets pissed off or "all up in my business" I can just say that it was a song lyric. . . no big! lol), quotes from movies or TV shows, quotes from my Carrot. . . hell, I'm GOOD at FB code now.
But I couldn't think of a way to make that work for blogging.

I've been in a draught. I have felt ABSOLUTELY NO spark of creativity.

Not that I do NOW either. . .
but sometimes if you just hop up on the saddle (or some other silly euphemism), it'll COME to you! Or at least that's what I'm hoping.

My mom was out of town for two weeks. The first weekend I had a girl over. We played "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" ---it was great fun.

THE REST OF THE TIME I "played house" with Shocker. And THAT was wonderful.
I very much enjoyed spending that much time with him, seeing him interact day in and day out with Carrot, having Firecrotch (a bestie) around him, etc. . . it was all good.

But I'm not sure I'm ready to move in with him.
We'd been discussing that. . . moving forward with getting his house ready to sell so we could look (on MY side of town) for a place together, even choosing a school district.
I love him--no question there.
I plan on marrying him--again, this is a "sure thing."
But I'm not sure I'm ready to move in. And there were some issues (mostly just hurt feelings-- on both sides) when I told him that I suspected that this might be the case.

I think we've worked through this. . .
we're definitely NOT moving backwards, but I think we might be slowing the rate of our moving forwards. And that's NOT altogether a bad thing.
I think we're both just feeling each other out, double-checking our pacing and our intensity. . . and, after another doozy of a fight about progress and potential last night, I think we're both pretty content knowing that we're BOTH in this for "the long haul." <---his words, not mine. :-)

On an entirely UNRELATED note (except that they both KINDA deal with men), my divorce MAY BE going through!!! Yeah, don't get too excited; I've reported this before only to discover that my asshole-of-an-Ex changed his mind. I'll keep you updated (with more regular posts). . . PROMISE!!!


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I Made That Baby ! ! !

A bullet point update this will have to be. . . 'cause I suck.

  • My Carrot turned 3! I know, crazy. . . I feel like just yesterday I was 70ish pounds heavier, exactly how I look now, but with a couple of basketballs underneath my ever-expanding shirt. . . ExHubby and I were fighting, trying to decide if we should get married or move into separate houses. . . I was equal parts nesting and lazily sitting around, watching The Jerry Springer show. . . I was eating peanut butter on EVERYTHING (celery, bread, oreos, pickles!). . . and I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my darling daughter, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Sometimes, when she's sleeping, I look at her, brush her hair back and kiss her soft cheek. . . and then I think 'I MADE THAT!!!'

  • I got a NASTY sunburn. . . which is now turning into little blisters. Ew.
  • I got in an awesome fight with my lunatic little brother. . . last night. Now, he's not LITTLE, let me explain. He's 6'4"ish, 20 years old, Air Force MP @ a base here in the midwest. And he had some friends over and they were all drinking on my back porch. When he arrived he went into my daughter's room and WOKE HER UP, picked her up, brought her out to "meet" everyone. Then dumped her in my lap and went to grab another beer. He was an asshole ("You know, Jace, you wouldn't even be able to complain about my noise if I didn't work to protect your freedom!" --uh, WHATtheFUCK?!) and was in my face. His friends were all trying to control him, apologizing for him, etc. His girlfriend was screaming at him to leave me alone. And I was crying. . . 'cause that's what I do. He finally left just before 2am, leaving behind pictures of Carrot I'd had printed for him and telling me that I am "dead to him and shouldn't expect another call from him" ever. omg, redic.
  • My Mom left town for a two-week vacation. . . and invited Shocker to stay at the house in her absence. YES!!

  • I won tickets to a baseball game. Going tonight. . . will update. (PS. It's "dollar wienie night" there!)
  • Getting ready (picking out outfit, etc) for Keith Urban / Jason Aldean concert with JENN this weekend. . . LOVE me some cowgirl boots (teal) with a mini jean skirt! :-)

Nothing else that seems even SLIGHTLY important (not that any of THAT was, but. . . )

Will update tomorrow come hell or high water. . .